DEPRESSION: AN ENEMY THAT EATS YOU ALIVE

Have you ever wondered what the outlook on life is like for a person with depression?

Many times when a person manifests suffering from depression, their environment tries to minimize their situation and we use expressions such as "don't be sad", "life is very beautiful", "you have many people who love you", "you have everything to be happy", "it will pass", "sure tomorrow you'll be better" and many more (it should also be clarified that on many occasions the term depression is used irresponsibly based on ignorance and trends). The truth is that as a society we're not educated to face this type of situations and understand them; on the other hand, people who suffer from depression are afraid of being judged and decide to believe in what others tell them or pretend to believe it in order to continue with life.

While everyone else decides to go on with life, this person is just part of the current, but every day he/she becomes more disconnected, more inert, even though he/she may have the most beautiful smile on his/her face. This is another great myth that we have about depression, we think that the person who is depressed must look sad and dull; many times it is not so, depression hides in plain sight, uses the most convincing disguises and the warmest smiles; although that is only a facade and inside there is nothing left.

Empathy is what keeps us together as social creatures, obviously each process is different and you'll never know how the other lives, feels and experiences it, so we must hone our social sensitivity to be points of support and not part of the current that drags the other.

Depression is not to be sad, nor to look like that (clearly there are cases that are more visible to the naked eye), but there are situations that occur inside that we can't even imagine. To get an idea of what happens inside, imagine a person who has hit rock bottom and yet continues digging in that dark well he has created without having the slightest idea of what he/she is looking for; you begin to lose the meaning of life, interest in things that once excited you disappears, your character can become darkened; goals and dreams no longer generate excitement or simply no longer feel them, because it's as if a part of you has been completely disconnected or has died.

While this is happening, you're feeling what is happening inside you and you don't find an explanation, you're dynamited by fears, uncertainty and uneasiness; in one way or another you become your own prisoner and even if you'd like to run or flee, how do you run away from yourself? The only thing you can do is to create barriers of containment with the outside world as a defense mechanism, falling into a subtle but effective trap, because you break the ties with the outside world, your possible support networks and you are left alone with that monster that feeds on you.

Yes, that's right, you can feel how it destroys everything inside you, you feel how it feeds and strengthens from your fears, basically it's eating you alive and invites you to witness it, to observe how it consumes you and by that time you are already tied, weakened and in the deepest uncertainty, you can't defend yourself, your vulnerability is so total that you begin to find "comfort" in the attacks of it. It is frightening to see how your soul, spirit or essence disintegrates and you remain empty, in the darkness and in the carousel of confusion, because you can't explain how your mind can take you to these extremes, if it's a part of you. Well, the truth is that it takes you to those points, where you feel like a zombie, a creature that has a body and breathes, but no longer has anything else, a person for whom life has ceased to be a gift as we're always told and becomes a hell, because what is the motivation to keep alive a body that no longer feels and doesn't get excited, every breath becomes then, a punishment, a ballast that you have to drag; but you have a consolation; that monster that lives in you can still continue consuming you, living of your energy, you're already its prisoner, and although you have no interest to live, you continue doing it because you believe that you deserve the punishment.

At this point many people are so confused that they see suicide as an empty hope, an opportunity to flee and stop the suffering (we will not know if that suffering stops, but the truth is that it has already won you and left you without opportunities); others decide to continue despite having no direction, to act according to the current, to put on the masks of life without any aspiration or emotion, can you imagine how that must feel?

You can't run away from something that knows you, that dwells inside you and knows when to attack to weaken you; that is also cruel because it gives you small "islands of euphoria" in which it seems that everything will get better, but it is only a strategy to take your energy and to melt you in that dark well even more. Deep inside you feel that there is a part of you that keeps your essence, but you don't know how to reconnect it, you forgot the way and you can't find yourself in all the mud.

The barriers you've created as a defense mechanism isolate you more and more from the outside world and imprison you inside, ironic, isn't it? What you thought would protect you condemns you even more. So you decide not to ask for help out of fear, shame, because you think it's a sign of weakness, in a society that has oriented us to solve our problems in silence and that condemns the demonstration of weakness. This is why it's so important that we educate ourselves to recognize in ourselves when this happens or identify in others signs of alarm, so that we become points of support and not parts of the current.

At this point, you have nothing more to lose, admit that you're broken, there is no shame in it, there is no shame in raising your hand and even with a gasp ask for help because you can no longer stand alone, it is overcoming you and you're losing the battle. Don't be afraid to ask for help, it's the bravest decision you can make, it's the gift of strength you need to go on and connect with you again, if you're already disconnected in some part, shame would be something you shouldn't worry about. Admit that you broke, show your wounds and recognize the damage caused, no one can judge you because only you know what it's like to be in that position; allow yourself to heal and seek professional help to guide you on the way, this wont't be a garden of roses and you'll have to face that pit you dug, but remember that you can no longer destroy something that was already destroyed; you only have to build new things and experiences, it's your process, you do it at your own pace and on your own terms. Don't think that you'll forget it, your life has already changed and that mark will live inside you, but don't worry about it, just focus on having the best tools to know how to handle it, to make you stronger in the face of adversity, learn from your experience and if you can inspire and sensitize others.

Oscar Wilde said that "we all carry within us heaven and hell", and indeed he was absolutely right. The point is that we don't know which of the two is gaining ground in each person, so we must be attentive to others and above all things self-analyze and know ourselves; remember that empathy is not only with others or to the outside, it must also be developed within you and for you.

I sincerely hope that the next time someone tells you that they feel depressed, don't look for the phrases that we mentioned at the beginning, remember that for that person to get to the point of telling you, it's because he/she has already fought a battle inside, which means that it cost him/her a lot to get to that point, but he/she thinks that you can be a support. Maybe at that moment you think that you don't have the tools or knowledge to "help", but you have the lucidity that this other person needs to find the way and that is a great help.